KILLER COCKTAIL - INSOMNIA, OASIS AND EFFEMINITY...........:::::

im: fat and ugly
listening to: oasis- sad song

two very strange things r going on in my life right now..one, my absolute inability to sleep is assuming humogous proportions..ive slept a grand total of eight hours in three nights today..wch cnt be good..nothing helps..these dark-pools under my eyes just seep lower like dampness down a wall on a rainy day..luckily for me i have some music i havnt heard in a while..so totady i woke up at 4 and switched on the comp..n listened to three hours of old oasis stuff..the good stuff.before the gallaghers decided they were more pop culture fighter cocks than musicians..not that their music is not awesome now but i like the old stuff better..scary thing number2 thats going down is im becoming more of a woman evryday..its not evn funny anymore..like yestday i was watching this live 8 documentary..wt performances by u2 coldplay madonna bon jovi et all wt clips of starving african kids in between n statemnts by the singers themselves abt ending poverty..i guess most ppl would feel pretty bad right then..but i felt so bad this flush crawled up my cheek n blossomed into a tear at the corner of my eye..i cried watchng live 8! a concept i dont evn like..a fiasco i deride n decry as hypocritical..a big multi-million farce..n i still think it is..but i cried..wch scares me..the worst was yet to come..at nite yestrday i sat thru one of the worst movies ive ever seen..'somethings gotta give'..i mean its just gross to hear jack nicholson say things like 'ive nevr seen a woman tht old naked before'..thts not funny..once a woman hits 40 u dont wanan knw abt her sex life..on top of wch theres keanu stone-faced reeves (he doesnt seem to get that hes finally out of the matrix) trying to seduce the same old woman..who ought to spank him really for being a sick pervert but no she has to liplock wt him too..its a classic bad movie..something id set the movie screen on fire for playing..wen i used to be a man..but no, yest i sat thru it n even managed to hum along to the theme..there was this brain part of me saying dude change channels wt the fuck u doing?? but theres this wierd emotional part saying, aww cute geriatric fucks..wen the credits rolled i had to look in my boxers to check evrythn was where it should be..wch is still not as bad as the worst which i keep saying was yet to happen..now u knw i was listening to oasis from 4 am to 7 am today morn rt..aftr wch i switched on the telly agen..this movie called the yards was just startng..mark wahlberg n charlize theron in urban-goth mode n short hair..shes unblvbly hot but i decided to watch it coz i heard its about the streets..its not a bad movie.wasnt quite wt i hoped..it was abt the corrupt system n wahlberg changing his attitudes..but in between theres ths part where charlizes mom finds out shes been killed..n down poured the teardrops agen!! wt the fuck is going on dear god? is this punishmnt for somthing i did coz i cnt rembr doing anythng at all in a while..r u sure u got the right guy? its like somebdy opened this huge emotional tap n now the water gotta flow till its all gone..empty my tank like..its scary..so scary that ive decided to go play ball in the evening..n listen to some 50 cent if i cn bring myself to break down the wonderwall around me just now..