....................SELF-HELP IS THE BEST HELP.............

im: on a beer-buzzzzz!!
listening to: foo fighters-resolve

yesterday i found myself at an alcoholics-drugaddicts-selfhelp group meeting as a result of a chain of events i dont care enuff to elaborate about..what i wld like to tell u though is abt wht happened there..im trying my best not to run out screaming and listening to these really self-righteous ppl make speeches rt..these r the 'counsellors'..hav u evr noticed how social workers r more thn a little big-headed..?they act like theyre god -like ur so much lesser thn them for not wasting our lives on altruistic bullshit that doesnt rly get anyone anywre anywy..jeez i hav so much other stuff to waste my life on..like drugs and alcohol.its a vicous cycle..so anywy here i am pretending to listen n suddenly ths guy on my right starts off on a coughing fit..the speaker quips abt all the passive smoke he spat out somethng-i didnt get it but evrybdy laughed..this guy keeps coughing..hes got one of those chain-smoker coughs..u start off n cnt stop till u burn a hole in ur chest..i sympathised, i get it like twenty nine times a day, n he sopits a big goiry chunk of red-brown phlegm on to his hanky, folds it n puts it back in his pocket n manages a smile in the genral direction of thoroughly-grossed-out-me..wht the heck i think, as long as he doesnt touch me..n suddenly the guy on the other side starts coughing n the sorry drama is repeated with a twist..a great mass of phlegm swirled n twirled its way strt onto the floor..whatevr..wen suddenly the speaker sez hey so we hav a couple of ppl here whove been rehabliatted from prison..n 3 very shady looking guyys in front stand up..now oi had my i-wanna-b-a-gangsta phase too but this is the real shit man..they hav bruises all over, scars but their eyes r the worst..they just look plain hollow..scary as fuck..n they sit down..n im still cool..tho im dying for a ciggie..n the speaker goes..we also have 2 HIV positive brothers here..n the cough-brothers stand up..i was flanked on either side by two hiv postive ppl applauded by a 30 plus crowd of delinquents..i freaked..now u havto undertsnd i hav nothng agnst hiv people..i feel very bad for them its too bad but look ive nvr met a patient before..ok so all the natural shit came floating into my head..the coughing..the phlegm..n im educated n i know theyd hav to bend a lot more than they did to cough to pass it on to me but its still scary..so i just sit there to scared to breathe..soon the groups r split up n we sit around in circles of 8 or 10 or somthing..co-incdentally all four of them are in my grioup, some other social-work-enthu kids n athe councellor n me..n the jailbird starts to sing..the one on parole..on n on he went abt hw long hes been mistreated by society n how evrythngs all the societys fault..whoa!now im obvsly a lil confused here..the societys fault? what the hell did we do? did he get punished for saomthing he didnt do? nope. he whacked a guy on the head, stabbed his wife and ran with their jewellery but its the societys fault tt he was caught n punished..i look around n evrybdys nodding sadly..u know..the sad nod..i think tts wen i decided to get the hell out..i cn understnd poverty and starvation n fuck all but its no way the societys at fault for somthing u do..if it were the case, india would have more theives n killers than civillians given our state of wealth distribution..and heres a room full of ppl trying to get hima job donate money take him to a movie coz he was caught doing wht he did on a supposed moment of desperation..wt if they hadnt caught him? then wht? hed b much richer thn most of us there to start wt..secodndly if society drove him to doing it, n hes so stuck on fairness, is he going to divide the money among the society? i think not. i think hed hav fucked off n taken a room in the Taj till the money ran out then go stealing agen..so why is it that wen hes caught its our fault? pisses me off this kind of anti-hero glorification..it started wt amitab bachan movies n hes half-dead and fully grey, but we havnt stoppped..as for the hiv guys, i wish i cld do somthing to help..but u cn b the healthiest person on earth but u dont cough into someones face..its just not done..i dont knw hw they contracted the disease..but it wsnt handed down from their moms ..wch means somehwere down the lane they got damn careless..needle, no condom whatevr, they were careless..wch doesnt make them any more desrvng of the damn disease..just that they too had this theory of being mistreated by society..how as a sick person they shld b treated wt more respect n love..wake up man! ur not alone..who exactly is treated wt the respect an individual deserves? nobody..so hwy do u ahv special rights..theyre living free of cost in a priest home..and giving us this shit..if u ask me theyve got a good thing going..they shld b thankful for evrythng tts been done to make their lives a lil bettr..not bitch n whine n use their problems to rob charity money off us..there are kids n babies n women doing a lot worse n this charade will only deny help to them..the whole i-deserve-more-from-society is a greater eye wash than live8 is u ask me..if u think the society of govt or individuals owe u more than wt u have then ur screwed..thats the beginign of the end..ur not getting anywhere wt that atitude..self-help is the best help..