THE KIDS ARE NEVER GONNA BE ALRIGHT................................::

im : sitting by mumside
listening to : mum talking to someone on the fone

belated christmas wishes then! been some time since i posted a blog...im at my mums place for the hols..well loss-of-pay leave if u want to get into technicalities..started out as an amusement park ride into hell n slowly petering off into a semi-miserable finish..id like to document here my loss of individuality..yes ive finally caved in..im one of them now...on the 25th of decmbr, 2005, christmas day, i walked sullen feet into the hairdressers n sat down for trial by scissors..wts more i watched in masochist pleasure thru the mirror as they chopped and hacked at my tresses..my last flicker of self..my only remaining symbol of rebellion...wt bowed head and cold hands i drenched myself in conformity as years-old hair rained down all around me like pieces of a stranger...and as the world celebrated the birth of christ i mourned the death of pride...i guess in tangentially different ways we're quite comparable really..me n christ..he was born to take responsibility for our sins...sins-somebodys theoretization of humans being human; our exercise of individuality n free will...i was executed to wipe away my attempts to do as much...the twain meeting where we were both pushed into doing things v dint really want to by the Holy Father...it was horrible..torture in fact..if i wasnt so choked up id have cried..i bit back silent tears as they wiped away the 'me'...and walked out into impotent decmber sun so much the lesser...a little like a poisoned womb i guess..it felt like i had died n my body was carrying the dead me..much like the glorified saviour, on the thrid day he rose agen...as the tv in the living room sent strains of dylan wafting into mine thru closed and postered walls...something inside reared a crest-fallen head..suddenly someone ran a loving hand over my cropped hair n sed 'its ok'...its hard to believe in voices that do not have bodies..i guess for me it was a matter of life or death..i could have lain in bed n chose not to believe..or i cldve got up n get some blood back into my veins...we all live to live..wch means i will go on from here..i will live a life less proud, an existence less almost-happy but i will move on...like a rolling stone...